On the penis, one small spot, the frenulum on the underside just below the head, is for some men the place that decides how quickly they come: touching it brings them toward orgasm, and leaving it alone can let things last. This article explains the parts of the head of the penis, how each tends to like being touched, and how to use the frenulum on purpose. It is written for anyone: whether this is your own body or a partner's.
The parts of the head
The head of the penis (the glans) is not one uniform surface.
- The frenulum. A thin band of skin on the underside, where the head meets the shaft, shaped a little like a narrow "V". It is very sensitive, usually more than the shaft.
- The coronal ridge. The rim that runs around the edge of the head. It is sensitive too, and circling touch around it is one way to use it, alongside up-and-down strokes.
- The tip, around the urethral opening. This is where men differ most. Some love touch here; others find it too much, the way some women find the tip of the clitoris too much. Ask, or start very lightly.
The shaft below the head is usually less sensitive, so strokes along it tend to feel broader and less urgent.
The frenulum as a dial
Some men put it plainly: as long as the frenulum is left alone, they can keep going for a long time; as soon as it is touched, they get close. Not every man is like this. For those who are, the frenulum works in two directions.
- To make it last: keep the touch on the shaft and around the rim, and away from the frenulum. A whole-hand grip that spreads the pressure feels different from a fingertip on one spot. Slowing down or pausing works better than pushing harder: past a certain point, more speed or pressure tends to bring orgasm on sooner or makes the erection fade, not more pleasure.
- To bring it on: go back to the frenulum. Near the end, some men want everything else to stop and only that spot to stay, with the same rhythm. It is the same thing many women say about the clitoris when they are close: keep it exactly as it is (more: The Tip of Your Clitoris Needs a Buffer, Not More Power).
You can move between the two as many times as you like. Some couples use it to stretch things out: close, then away from the frenulum, then back.
Another thing to try: while the shaft or head is being touched, a fingertip pressing and holding at the root of the penis, behind the scrotum, can make the feeling stronger and help it last.
How to tell someone is close
Signs that orgasm is near: the shaft swells a little more, the testicles draw up toward the body, the buttocks and belly tighten, and the hips may push forward. Reading these lets you, or a partner, choose what to do next instead of being surprised.
Foreskin and lube
With a foreskin, the skin slides over the shaft and head by itself, so a hand can move with little or no lube. Holding the skin taut makes touch sharper; letting it move makes it softer. Without a foreskin, there is no built-in glide, and dry rubbing on the head can hurt, so lube matters more. Either way, the two things worth checking with a partner, rather than guessing, are how firm the grip should be and whether more lube is needed. How you touch your own body is not a guide to how someone else likes to be touched.
Right after orgasm
Right after coming, many men find the head, and especially the frenulum, too sensitive to touch. It can feel painful rather than good. If your partner pulls away at that moment, it is not rejection; it is sensitivity. Move away, or switch to the thighs, belly or chest, until it settles.
Safety
- Short, smooth nails; no teeth.
- Use water-based lube with silicone toys (Lube and silicone toys).
- Stop if anything hurts. If the frenulum tears or bleeds, or a sore does not heal, see a doctor (Toys and your health: when to check with a doctor).
- Worries about coming too fast or erection problems are worth raising with a doctor. The techniques here are about pleasure, not treatment.
What to take away
The head of the penis has three parts that like different touch: the frenulum, the rim and the tip. For some men the frenulum works both ways: stay away from it to make things last, come back to it to bring orgasm on, and keep it steady at the end. Check grip and lube instead of guessing, and give the head a break right after orgasm.