Partway through sex, you may notice that things feel looser than they did at the start. It is easy to worry that something is wrong. Nothing is. Your vagina changes shape as you get aroused, and feeling looser is the sign that it has opened. This article explains how that change happens, and what it means for where and how you like to be touched.
Before arousal: closed and folded
When you are not aroused, your vagina is not an open tube. Its walls rest against each other, folded, like a sleeve that has been pushed together. The muscles around the opening are firm.
You can get wet at this stage. Wetness is a reflex, and it can switch on early, even when you are nervous. But being wet does not mean the inside has opened. If something goes in now, it meets folded walls and firm muscles. It feels like pressure from outside. Your muscles tighten against it, you get less wet, and arousal drops. Going deep at this stage can also hit the cervix, the bottom end of the uterus, which has not yet moved out of the way. This is a common cause of sharp, deep pain during sex.
As arousal builds: the inside opens
As you get more aroused, blood flows into the walls of your vagina and they swell. The folds smooth out. The uterus is pulled upward, and the inner part of the vagina lengthens and widens into a looser space. Researchers have measured this lift of the uterus during sexual response, and it is why deep contact that hurt before can feel fine later.
The result is a vagina with a different shape. The middle is now roomier. If a partner has their fingers inside, they may notice it: at first their fingers feel gripped and wrapped, and later it feels like moving inside an empty cup. That change is not your vagina "getting loose". It is your vagina telling them you are ready.
So what you feel as "looser" halfway through is the same thing. It happens because you are aroused, not because something is wrong with you. Say this to a partner who looks worried, too.
What stays close: the entrance and the front wall
Two places do not move away when the inside opens.
The entrance. The first few centimeters inside the opening are surrounded by a ring of muscle, and this outer part is where nerve endings in the vagina are most concentrated. For most women, light touch there feels clear, and a lot of what you feel during penetration comes from here.
The front wall. Just inside the entrance, on the upper side (toward your belly), the front wall has a patch of skin that feels slightly rougher than the smooth walls around it. That rougher patch is what is usually called the G-spot area. It is not a button. Behind that wall lie the urethra and the spongy tissue around it, closely connected to the inner parts of the clitoris. Some researchers describe them as one linked group of tissue. That is why touch there can feel like several things at once: deep fullness, an urge to pee, not much at all, or a mild ache. None of those is wrong.
Both places stay near the opening while the middle widens. That has a plain consequence: for most women, angle matters more than depth. Short movements aimed at the front wall do more than long, deep strokes, because the deep middle is now the roomy part. A pillow under your hips when you lie on your back tilts your pelvis so that a penis or toy presses on the front wall instead of sliding past it. On your hands and knees, lowering your shoulders and raising your hips does the same.
It also explains something about size. Since the middle opens up, much of the feeling of fullness comes from the entrance and from the deep end, not from the middle. So a wider toy or partner may add less extra feeling than you would expect.
Touching the front wall
The front wall usually feels better once your body has opened. Before that, touch there is more likely to feel like an urge to pee than like pleasure. So it usually belongs later, once you are aroused, rather than at the start. Bodies differ here too: go by how it feels to you.
With a finger or two inside, palm facing up, curl your fingers toward your belly in a come-here motion. Just past the entrance, your fingertip will often meet that slightly rougher patch of skin: that is the G-spot area. Resting your thumb on your clitoris at the same time helps you find it and adds to the feeling.
Three kinds of touch all work on the front wall (more on front-wall touch): steady pressure, rubbing over that rougher patch, and the two together. None of them is the right one. A good one to try first is the combination: press into the wall and rub it at the same time. Then keep whatever feels best to you. Your answer may be different from your friend's, and it may be different on a different day.
If you feel an urge to pee, it comes from several things being stimulated together: the G-spot area, the tissue around the urethra, and the nerve endings of the clitoris. It tends to come and go. If it helps you relax, you can pee before sex. If it hurts, or feels like a real need to go, stop.
Adding clitoral stimulation during penetration, with your hand or a small vibrator, helps many women more than penetration alone.
If you would like a toy that does both at once, one with a curved shaft for the front wall and a broad wing resting over the clitoris lets the inside and outside build together.
For some women, deep is right
Everything above describes most women. A minority are different (more on deep pressure): what works for them is firm pressure deep inside, against the cervix and the back of the vagina. "Shallow does nothing for me" and "I need it all the way in" are how women in this group often put it. If that is you, you are not doing it wrong, and advice to "go easy on depth" is not meant for you.
What does apply to you is timing. Deep pressure feels good once the uterus has lifted and the inside has opened. Before that, the same depth hurts. Nothing goes into the uterus itself during sex; the deep contact you feel is against the cervix.
Not sure which you are? Ask yourself: do you like the feeling of being reached all the way inside, or something nearer the front, one stroke at a time? You may like both, and your preference can change from one time to another.
Bodies differ, and so do days
How much your vagina opens, and how fast, differs from woman to woman. So does which part feels most. Some women feel a great deal at the entrance and little deep inside; others feel the reverse. Hormones matter too: after menopause, lower estrogen makes the vaginal lining thinner and reduces blood flow and lubrication, which can make sex feel drier or sorer. Treatments exist, and a doctor can help. None of this makes one body better than another. It only means your own feel is the best guide.
Pain is information, not something to push through. If a position hurts deep inside, the angle may be meeting your cervix or a tilted uterus, and changing position may help. Stop if the pain is sharp or severe. See a doctor if pain keeps coming back, lasts after sex, or comes with bleeding, fever or unusual discharge, or if you feel burning or tearing at the entrance.
What to take away
Your vagina changes shape in stages. Early on it is folded and firm, so go slowly and let arousal build, whether or not you are wet. As you get aroused, the middle opens and feels looser. That is the sign you are ready, not a flaw. The entrance and the front wall stay close, so angle usually matters more than depth. On the front wall, pressure, rubbing and the two together all work. Try the combination first, then follow what feels best to you. And if deep pressure is what works for you, it is right for you. Just wait until your body has opened.